Check Out Lane For People Who Have Their ISH Together

Check out lane for people who have their ISH together .. in a perfect world! *siiigh* The grocery store. Some love it, some hate it, some just get it done.. it’s one of those necessary (at times evil) “things” that we embrace for our survival. In any grocery store at any given time, there is a spectrum of people from all walks of life. That’s apparent in heavier populated areas like major cities, or places that are more transient than the settle down types. And no, just because you live in the suburbs, or any area that resembles even a hint of Wysteria Lane, it does not mean that all people who live there along side you, are like you. While walking through Giant Eagle, Heinen’s, or Mustard Seed Market around here, most folks typically “look” the same.. clean cut, middle/upper class America with stay at home Mom’s, expensive cars, and executive husbands… the differences among us becomes apparent by observing behaviors and habits.. when stuck in line … at the grocery store. Oh fun!

So the standard is the Express Lane, the Self Checkout lanes, the regular cashier lanes, and Customer Service. The Express Lane, at 12 items or less, is suppose to be quick and efficient, right? Then how come more often than not, there is a line over flowing from the Express Lane, because self entitled shoppers who have way more than 12 items, expect to check out there? Why, because they don’t want to stand in the regular cashier lane designated for shoppers with full carts? AAhhh because there’s a customer in front of them with a full cart that will take 15 minutes to get through, AND THEY DON’T WANT TO WAIT. So they get in our way, the ones with like 3 items and cash in hand to get this done in 5 minutes or less. Or you get the people with only a few items in the express lane, but take 10 minutes to pay for it? This puts people who are really ready to check out at a disadvantage because they have to wait around on multiple customers before them to get it together.. or be forced to move down to the regular cashier lane while waiting 20 minutes for Grandma to unload her cart.

AH, but there’s one more option! When the Express Lane cashier doesn’t have the guts to tell a customer they are way over the 12 item mark and to please step down to another lane, and the other lanes are so full it reminds you of Cedar Point ride lines, the go-getter will take matters into their own hands and use the Self Checkout lane. This lane is supposed to be super duper efficient! What a great concept! UNTIL one of the following hiccups happen that causes you to spend more time arguing with the computer than it would have just to wait in one of the other lines:
* Don’t have your store saver card? Can’t check out here.
* Scanner reads the item wrong and requests you look up the code to manually type in.
* Weight detection was not read, so automated voice asks you “Please place the item back on the belt”.. while the belt is moving back and forth trying to find it!
* Buy an item that requires 18 or 21 years of age to purchase.. the self check out shuts down and blinks the light at the top of the pole with beeping noises hoping to catch one of the employees to come over and help you. I have stood there for 5 minutes just waiting on someone to assist.
* The machine eats your money.
* The machine cannot read your bills because they are wrinkled in one corner.
* The machine rejects your bills and keeps spitting them back out at you.
* The machine has a paper jam with the receipt.
* The machine reads your coupons incorrectly or says they don’t exist.

I personally have come to loathe the Self Checkout lane. I think it’s a great concept, crappy invention. I do not go near it, and I will gladly wait in one of the other lines just so I don’t have to deal with an ornery robot. Because I find every time I walk past this lane, I just want to kick the machine.

One of my pet peeves is standing in line at ANY lane waiting with all the other shoppers who are waiting too.. and they don’t bother to get their form of payments ready. Like, you unload your cart and then stand there for 5-10 minutes waiting .. so you pick up a magazine to read, or play with your cell phone to pass the time .. and then it’s your turn so you just stand there and watch the cashier move items one by one, make small talk, and wait to hear the total. She tells you the total, and then…. ? THAT is when you go digging through your purse, or back pocket, to look for a form of payment! Seriously?! Cash, credit cards, coupons, writing a check, .. and the real kicker? The ones who ask for cash back, like this is a bank! It slays me that people don’t use that waiting time to get their payments ready, so we can MOVE THIS LINE ALONG! And everyone gets to go home… hello?!

I stood behind one lady who wrote a check, asked for cash back and took 10 extra minutes to do that because there was a glitch with the computer system and the cashier couldn’t grant her request.. it read the check wrong, or something with her bank, or she requested too much .. and I’m thinking “LADY, go-to-the-bank!!” There’s 10 people waiting behind you who JUST want their groceries! It’s just ridiculous to me to grocery shop and ask for a large sum of cash back and then get MAD at the cashier when she can’t figure out what’s wrong with your check! A $10 or $20 bill.. OK. But to do your banking with a line standing behind you is so inconsiderate, and in this case, unreasonable.

SO, what strategy have I come up with to bypass ALL of this headache? HA HA wweeellll … when I go to the store and I am only getting a few items, I get what I need, I cut through the crowd right up to the Customer Service line and I buy a lottery ticket! While at the same time placing my items on the counter requesting to pay for them with the lottery ticket (always say please & thank you!) .. and the lady behind the counter always says, “Oh sure honey, that would be no problem at all!” And she’s always so nice and pleasant to deal with that I think to myself, “If I win the jackpot on this ticket, I’d gladly give her some cash as a thank you for NOT being a pain in my ass every time I come in here.” 🙂

And THAT folks is how a swanky singledom gets in and out of the grocery store faster than a guy shops for socks. This is my rant of the day: Customer Service should really be used for customer service.They have an Express Lane, Self Checkout Lane, and a regular cashier lane.. all loaded with idiots who don’t think past their nose. It would be nice to see a lane that reads: “For People Who Have Their ISH Together”.

Happy grocery shopping!

Be well,

Leanne ♥